Interstate Drawbridge Damn Birds

I was coming home from guitar lessons and a quick stop at New Seasons for some fresh salmon and beer the other night and got stopped for a bridge lift on the Interstate bridge just 6 cars shy from making it across. If only I had not loitered at the beer aisle for so long I would have had it made. For those that don't know the Interstate bridge is bridge that spans the Columbia River and borders much of Oregon and Washington state. This is also a drawbridge where the first span was built in 1917 and the second span somewhere in the late 50’s. So do to maritime traffic regulations a large sailboat gets priority over thousands of cars which snarls up traffic for at least another hour. The only time they can't raise the bridge is 6:30 a.m. - 9:00 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. makes sense except that traffic is still pretty heavy after 6:00 pm. Anyway, I digress. I was pretty hungry and luckily I had bought a loaf of artisan sourdough for no reason other then it smelled awesome. I tore off a chunk of the bread and scarfed it down. I masticated for quite a few minutes realizing this boat will take a while to cross and I had just bought some beer. I was right in the middle of the Columbia River not sure what state I was in and what jurisdiction I would be in for an open container citation. After little contemplating a Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA got opened and I must say very tasty with the bread. I sat there for twenty some minutes enough time to make a good dent in the bread and finish my beverage so it technically wasn’t an open container but an empty one.

This experience made me come to the final conclusion that yes we need to replace the bridge. Not necessarily because it is a drawbridge, not because it gave me some free time to sit in my car and break laws, not because we need more lanes (This just creates more congestion). Nope it is because of all the GAWDAMN Birds shitting on my car! I had 6 droppings on the windshield alone. My hood was covered my mirrors got sprayed, yes the actual vertical mirror surface part. I don’t know how they do it. No framework for birds to rest on = no poop. So what we need is an open span 6 lane freeway (3 each direction) with light rail and adequate bike lanes. Can someone please make this happen soon?